What I've Learned...so far
Today I am turning 50. The most talented Haze over at Studio 524 and I share birthdays today, but she is not turning 50. She won't tell me what her new age is. My guess is 29. One time she made her husband wear Plaster of Paris underwear. I think that is why I like her so much.
For me turning 50 is not as much a noble birthday as a testament to good genes and fortune. However, I have managed to learn a few things in my time, here are just twelve….
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If Jesus came back and saw how his teachings were being used today he would never stop barfing.
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Buying someone a drink is better than a handshake.
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Never eat the bar nuts….never.
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I can remember every President since JFK and George “Dubya” Bush is the dumbest, cockiest and most arrogant one to date.
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Our children will be paying for his sins for a long time.
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Religion is for paranoiacs, faith is for the blessed.
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It’s always bad news when the bartender cries.
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Friends are the best thing you can get from life.
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Never enter a business deal, friendship or marriage with someone you can’t trust, if you do the outcome will always be the same….you’ll always be looking over your shoulder.
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A good dog is priceless.
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Most people are mentally lazy which is why TV and religion is so popular.
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If you can make a woman laugh, you’re halfway there.
Comments
!!! Happy 50th !!! Dawg.
Just so you know [and in case no one else told you today],
You.Totally.Rock.
and I'm so lucky to have you as a friend.
You are a true one.
Now I see that there is something enroute to the Office of the Grand Pooh-Bah.
Wait by the door. Just remember:
Tracking numberThe FedEx man always rings twice.
;)
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Ship date
Nov 9, 2007
Estimated delivery
Nov 14, 2007
Reference
xxxxxxxxxx
Destination
Office of the Grand Pooh-Bah, CA
Service type
Ground-Domestic
Weight
3.0 lbs.
Status
On FedEx vehicle for delivery
Date/Time
Activity
Location
Details
Nov 14, 2007 5:23 AM
On FedEx vehicle for delivery
SOUTH SAN FRANCISCO, CA
Nov 13, 2007 9:20 PM
At local FedEx facility
SOUTH SAN FRANCISCO, CA
7:25 PM
Departed FedEx location
SACRAMENTO, CA
5:22 PM
Arrived at FedEx location
SACRAMENTO, CA
Nov 10, 2007 12:11 PM
In transit
CITY OF INDUSTRY, CA
7:58 AM
Departed FedEx location
PHOENIX, AZ
Nov 9, 2007 9:14 PM
Arrived at FedEx location
PHOENIX, AZ
5:36 PM
Picked up
PHOENIX, AZ
4:01 PM
Package data transmitted to FedEx
Happy Birthday darlin!!
xoxoxox
You for sure made me laugh...
I agree with every word of what you wrote!!
Hugs!!
amen, brotha.
and happy day to you!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
that is a great list, and, well, you're halfway there. You made me laugh! (as you always do!)
Congrats on making it this far and learning the important lessons.
And Happy Birthday to Haze too!!! I kept wondering if I'd missed it or what.
Happy Birthday you!
Have a fabulous day :)
xxx
Your cracking me up, the funny thing is I have to wait by the door as the door bell is broken....unbelievable...HAHAHAHAHA...anyways thanks for the route...and how do you know the Fed Ex man always rings twice anyhoo?
MMM...
J: Thanks, kiddo! We gotta get together for a gab fest soon!
ha-Ha-Ha. You really have to wait by the door. Hon - This is getting funnier and funnier. I'm wondering if I should give you hint and really make you squirm... hmmmm. I'll think on that one.
As for the ringing twice. I know cause it's true for Postmen. See here: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082934/
bwahahahaha
Yes, I know all about the Postman flick, the kitchen table scene is what I was referring too:)
ah - yes. i haven't seen that movie for awhile.
Thank you for the book. I LOVE it. DAMN. I'm going to be spending hours in it, believe me. Ralph Steadman's work is amazingly complex and very impressive, subject matter [sometimes] aside. Thank you twice for re-introducing me to it and for the incredible art book.
Seriously, I hope you like your prezzies as much as I adore that book.
And amen to everything in your list!
I wonder if I would be that wise when I hit 50...?
Well, that's true, thanks e-fly!
Mate,
50 years on and your the blog-meister! Friends keep one young and wise
Love this line: "Most people are mentally lazy which is why TV and religion is so popular." -- amen
mate, so appreciated your call and friendship over the years....can't wait for u to get over here...